Jun 10, 2012

On my heart - Friends & Introversion

It seems as though all of my friends sux. I consider 80% of them as acquaintance but sometimes even less than that. 

I know that it's not me. He and I have a lot of the same friends and when we got together immediately more than half of them turned against us, especially me. It was really stupid we were literally told that we wrong for getting together and were both were put down individually regarding to each other.

It's been 4 years now and these people are still acting the same, now much worse as time has gone by. I am not talking about 15 years old. I am referring to adults. People who have jobs, kids, who attend college. Who have bills to pay, things to worry about, and all the rest. These people who still seem to literally shit on us for.. well.. us being us

Our relationship isn't perfect. Why would I want it to be? But I guess it's a big deal since we've been together for so long. After all, most to all of our 'friends'  have had many hook up's. That's just not me. I have chosen my life. I chose to only be with one other person before Matt and I had a serious relationship with this person. I have chosen to save money. I've chosen the career that I am currently in. I've chosen everything. But these people.. so called 'friends' take it to another offensive extent.

And they talk a lot of shit. Stupid, immature, pointless shit. The type that get's you thinking "Did this person seriously wasted his or her breath on that??" Then they get mad when you are not their friend. When you walk away. When you move on. When you don't want to put up with that crap. They can't understand why you don't want to care, and why you don't want to fight about it. 

Oh, and when they talk down.. boy do they talk down. They only talk down though to make up of they lack of. To simply fill up that empty space.

Oh.. and they get mad when you do not live up to their standards. This refers back to my relationship with Matt. The fact that they don't like us being together. That it's 'wrong'. Realllllly? Because the last time I check the only way to get out in the real world and to live in it is by doing shit on your own and living up to your own standards and making standards for self and manintaing those standards because you know where you stand because of those standards. So what why is someone else suppose to live up to your standards? To fill up that gap of self pity? I don't need to act a certain way, set up my Facebook a certain way, anything in that matter.

And they swear they are doing better than everyone else. When obviously they are not. Selling drugs doesn't mean you are making it. Messing with 2 girls at the same time doesn't mean you got it. Owning a beat down 90's race car doesn't mean you are at the top. Having a new dead-in job every 2-3 months doesn't mean you got it. Talking down on others and expecting them to live up to your standards doesn't mean you are better or smarter. I understand you are unhappy but you can change cause' all you are doing is making things worse for yourself. 

Maybe it is me. Maybe I am too serious. Maybe I have changed. Maybe I am the one being the bitch as though they claim. Or maybe I just moved on. Matured. Aiming for my goals. Because honestly what I've realized is that the things that are coming from these so called 'friends' are obviously unhappy in the position they are currently in.

Because of all of this - because of all the extra crap that has been going and since I have grown up - I simply separated myself from them all. It didn't take time, this was an over night thing. I did it quickly before it got worse. I can tell they don't like this because now things are only coming down 10 times harder. Claiming I think I am to good for anyone, I am ignorant, I am bad a person and a bunch more when I am not at all.

I'm a natural introvert, Matt's a extrovert. Socially speaking, we are two different people. Before I met Matt I knew all of these people however I wasn't the girl who hung out with them often. I didn't party with them. They were just 'there'. I prefer to stay home, draw, write, take walks, take pictures, enjoy time with my few real friends and my family, travel to places, locate vacant parts of the city... I'm an adventured, a truth seeker, a deep thinker, quite, I enjoy the outdoors, and simple things... but I like all of this alone or with only a few people who I truly love. Matt, and all these other people, are totally different. They'll party, do crazy stuff, act out, enjoy small talk, all the energy from each other. I don't. It's to much for me. I have done crazy stuff, I have acted out, I have done all of what they have done and are doing but I do it differently at my own time and at my own pace. 

They claim I've changed. And actually, I did not. I have been the same. Quite, hating small talk, only have a few friends that I value. They don't like that I don't drink with them, party with them, pop pills, some weed. They don't like that I won't take their shit and don't listen and get offensive by they shit talk. They don't like that take my education seriously, that I have money saved me, that I am observational, have responsibility, and that I am independent.

They are all adults acting like kids. They try to offend me, but I don't care. They hate it. I deal with this everyday. It can get annoying but I've to a conclusion that the only reason why they are the way they are is because they are unhappy with themselves and they need to bring down others to bring themselves up. 

I made my life. The position I am currently in is because I made it. 
I am quite. I do think a lot. I do prefer to be alone a lot. I socialize differently. 
2 of the main reasons Matt and I have lasted so long is because of maturity and respect. 
I am private. No one need's to know my business especially when all they are going to do is talk shit about it. 

The end.

In a world of extroverts, it can be very, very hard sometimes. But when you have 'friends' who are clearly unhappy with themselves and want to put you down, constantly talk pointless shit and want you to live up to their standards you begin to realize that the world needs extroverts and introverts and that you are not weird and you are not a bad person. You are just being yourself. If they can't you for being you while you already have accepted them for being them, then go f**k off and move on. 
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  1. :(
    Keep your chin up and keep on doin' what you're doin'. Haters gonna hate, you just can't let them dictate the way you feel about yourself.

  2. The most important relationships are the ones you have with yourself and with Matt. Sounds like you have those figured out, so I wouldnt worry about the rest. I have found that as we get older and our lives progress, friends become way more about quality, not quantity. Sorry you are dealing with all these haters!

  3. some days are harder than others.... I tend to be an extrovert but I do have my days too when I'm really sad or want to be alone. Today was one of those days so I can relate.


    Danielle Faith

  4. Try not to get sucked into it. Like you said, they are not real friends anyway!

  5. yeah these people aren't your real friends so what they have to say doesn't even matter. I hate that people try to bring you down, sometimes people just are so fed up with their life they can't stand to see a good thing and want to bring it down.

    xo erica

  6. even if you have changed (which is a good thing in my book), then a true friend would ride out those changes with you! i don't understand the immaturity! as long as you are happy with your life, that is what matters, and eventually, down the road, you will make real friends who stick with you no matter what!

  7. I know how you feel. I don't have many people who are close to me simply because I feel like I don't fit in. It's tough to feel this way, but you have to keep hoping that it will get better. Someday, you will find a friend who truly understands you.

    Twitter: @GlamKitten88

  8. Welcome to my world. I lost an entire group of friends a few years ago. It was hard but in the end I realized they weren't really my friends and I was better off without them.

  9. I am a loner and so is Codie so weve never really had any friends except a few that are a million miles away that we talk to once in awhile on the phone or computer. I definantly dont miss the drama. These dont sound like friends you should waste anytime or thought on.xo

  10. Oh, friend. Bah, I am sorry to hear this. But you, and I, and lots of other wonderful people in blogland know that you are absolutely fantastic. And that is what matters :)

  11. Really interesting to read <3

  12. There were people that didn't think Will and I were right for each other either, but they have all come to realize that they couldn't have been more wrong! Don't worry about what others think as long as you two are happy!

  13. So nice pictures. Im a new follower, because i like your blog so much. Hope you follow me back ;)*