Tonight has became that kind of night, but I'm a big girl.
All was okay up until your dad and I were at one of our usual corners less than a block away from my home kissing each other goodbye. He was extremely sleepy and it made me sad because I know he wasn't looking forward to that two hour bike ride home. I gave him an extra $1 to buy a Arizona drink (sweet drink). When we turn out backs from each other and walk away we said out loud repeatedly "I love you babe/sweetie."
That was when the teary eyes began. I didn't shed a tear though. I just continue on walking and thinking.
When I got up to the door I just stood there staring at the dirt where all the pretty pants once were. I planted a bunch of pretty plants in warm August of 2010 while pregnant with your sister. The plants died quickly after losing her. I didn't have the energy to take care of them as I should of and as Fall came around the weather became to cold. Below is a picture of what was left in November 2010.
I stood there staring at the ground. Looking to my right then over to my left. Just remembering.
I then remember when your dad and I got into a argument in that November. It lead to some hurtful words regarding to your sister. I went outside to calm down but I was to angry. I ripped all what was left in the ground that all. All the dying flowers and the weeds including the little flower seen above.
Then I took a deep breath and told myself I needed to be a big girl and walked in. I did. Not eventually. Within a second.
I am going to wash my face and pop a DVD in. I am so happy I have been a big girl lately.
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